Here we GROW!!!

Blog entry 2/24/2012 It’s amazing, at least to me, to see how children grow. I wish I would have paid closer attention when my own four wonderful children were growing up. I always tell new parents to “hold on tight” because it all flies by so quickly! Of course I’m sure that I am not the only person to tell new parents that. I heard it when I was a new parent….all those years ago! We all know that you can’t go back in time to “re-do” what was done or what was said, or what was NOT done or what was NOT said. No matter how much “wishing” we do, it just won’t work. You can even beg and plead, but it’s not going to happen. But, OH how I wish I could. Maybe some parents are satisfied with how things have gone while raising their children, and they wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t think I know any of these parents. Especially moms. Now this is not to discount or discredit fathers. It is just that I usually have conversations with women about parenting; mainly because I am a woman. It’s a little difficult to relate labor stories with a man. Most generally the Mom is the one to do the majority of the care of the children. Having said that, there are some men who really do a fantastic job at parenting! And for now, I will leave it at that before I get “hate mail”! A growing child needs soooooo much to thrive. I believe one of the main ingredients to a thriving child is LOVE. Now “love” encompasses such a wide variety of areas. Parental love. Love of self. Love for others. Love from friends. Love from community….the list could be endless. Recently I have been substituting for two area school districts in a wide variety of areas. I have had three, four and five year olds in Preschool. I have had multiple disabilities students ranging from severely “handicapped” to mildly affected students. I have had HeadStart students and I have had high school students in the “in-school suspension” class. What a wide spectrum! I have loved every minute of each day that I have substituted! This week, in particular, has been quite the week as far as following that spectrum. Mid week I had the preschoolers that called me everything from “Mrs. Horton” (which seemed so formal to me! But it was the rule, so I had to follow it too!) to “Mrs. Horner”, “Mr. Holden”, “Miss Fortone”, and beyond. I just gently corrected the student and moved on. It was all I could do not to hug them all….they were so darn cute! At the end of the week, I substituted for the “in-school” suspension classroom at a high school. I knew about this job for over a week. I prepared myself for the worse and hoped for the best. As I checked in to the office, I already met my match with a student that was going to be in my classroom. He was “butting heads” with the Assistant Principal before I even arrived. He was calm UNTIL other students began arriving in the office for various reasons. The more students present, the louder he became. I didn’t see this student the rest of the day. The “seeking” of attention, and sometimes affection, of these two groups of students was not all that different. The preschoolers found it “funny” to call me by the wrong name to see what my reaction would be. At first we both giggled at the “wrong” names they were using. Then it became a way for them to get my attention so I could correct them. Either way, I was paying attention to them and giving them gentle guidance. The student at the high school was seeking attention as well. It might not have been MY attention he was trying to gain. It was probably directed more towards his peers. He DID get the attention of the Assistant Principal. I’m sure he did not like the response he eventually received. As I said, I didn’t see him the rest of the day so I can’t be positive of the outcome, but I can take an educated guess. I don’t “know” any of these students. I don’t know their home-life, their close relatives, their family dynamics or their friend circles. I can tell you this; each child/student I have worked with has been an eye opener as far as how I have raised my own children. I am FAR from the perfect parent! I was a single parent for many, many years. When I was NOT single, I made some horrible choices in the parenting arena. Looking back, I can admit that I often chose my own needs over the needs of my children. I’m not proud of that. I am actually quite ashamed of that! Again, I can’t go back and change that….wishing doesn’t work. My four children, MY BIGGEST BLESSINGS, have had quite the ride with me as their mother! If you ask the oldest two (from my first marriage), life wasn’t so bad. I find it hard to believe they don’t focus on the bad times…but they remember the fun times! THAT amazes me! I look back and often times, all I can remember are the times where I worried about their health, or what I would find to fix for their next meal, or if I could afford a babysitter for the few hours of work I had coming up, or if their “cold” was really just a cold and not something far worse. They talk about the times we drove around for hours (gasoline was MUCH cheaper then!!) and looked for deer at the edge of fields and the way they used to run down the HUGE hill (which is actually a small rise in the land) at the apartment complex we used to live in. They make me feel so much better about my parenting! But in reality, I know the areas in which I failed, or came close to failing. There were even times when I wasn’t sure I could be a parent at all. I didn’t think I was worthy of these little lives that God put in my care. I couldn’t do them justice. I couldn’t protect them the way I wanted, or the way I thought I should. The only thing I didn’t question was my love for them. THAT I knew I had…I loved them with all that I have (and still do!) Even as each child was born, I KNEW I would have enough love for each one. Some parents worry that they won’t have enough love to give to each additional child. One just learns, rather quickly I think, that the love for each child is different, but still just as strong as the love for the very first one. It is in difficult cases that we see children of the same family being loved unequally that problems arise and challenges become apparent. That’s another blog all together! I love to watch the progression of children…any children, as they grow and learn. Maybe I missed my calling. Maybe I should have gone into education. Easy to say now…I’m just a substitute! I don’t have the lesson planning, the parents of the children who do no wrong, the daily attitudes, the lack of respect, the “what can I get into next” challenges that educators face every day. I have a new respect for what teachers and administrators go through daily. What I do have is LOVE. That is one gift God gave me that I KNOW how to use. It may have to be “tough” love sometimes, but I do know how to love. It doesn’t matter the age. I love all of God’s children. Sometimes it is the most difficult thing in the world to do. Love leaves your heart open for much pain and resentment. Nonetheless, I will love until my dying day. Who have you loved today? Have you loved a child? A friend? A parent? Have you opened yourself up enough to love a stranger? More importantly, have you loved God today? We don’t stop growing as we age…we grow MORE! (No I’m not talking about your waistline!) Our minds are capable of doing so much more as we age. Our hearts grow too. The more we know, the more we know HOW to love. Love doesn’t always come in the form of a hug or other physical activity. Love comes in a smile, a small gesture of kindness, or even letting another driver turn before you at the four-way intersection. God tells us that LOVE is the most important thing. Doesn’t it make sense that the Creator of love should be the best person to tell us HOW to love? Go out and love today…in some small way, shape or form. And see if it makes a difference. It might not make a difference to the person you are “loving”, but it will make a difference in you! As you love…you grow! Never stop growing! Blessing to one and all, Sooz